New Year. New Goals. New Post.

I actually, really, truly do have four real goals for 2009. I thought about posting them so that stating them publicly would force me to be more accountable, and the thought of embarrassing myself by failing to achieve them in front of my faithful blog audience (thank you, Mom & Betsy) would be a strong motivator to endure.

But the thought of keeping y'all updated on my efforts to get in shape or clean out my basement makes me want to pass out from sheer boredom, and I imagine you'd feel the same way about reading it.

In the interests of simplicity and order, I'm taking a page from several blogging buddies (what--you expected original thought?!) and posting New Year's Resolutions that I can readily keep, and that YOU can readily check up on.

1.) Stay single.

2.) Expand my reportoire of "breakfasts" that can be eaten out of a ziploc bag in the car on the way to daycare.

3.) At least once a month, skip the gym and the treadmill in favor of curling up with a book and polishing off a half pan of brownies.

4.) Fine tune the art of hypocrisy and take my self-righteousness to a new level by setting aside a two-minute meditation period in church each Sunday to reflect on all the ways I'm doing better than at least half the people there.

5.) Use my blog to regularly insult/poke fun/otherwise torture Brain Drain. WHY? Why??? Why do I have this constant sick compulsion, like an itch that must be scratched? Because I'm just a lousy friend. And a bad, bad person. And also because his wife helps--er, I mean, LETS--me. And it's fun. And his kids like it. And did I mention it's fun?

There you have it. 2009 will be the year of the not-so-new, not-so-improved Wendy.