Thursday, March 05, 2009

The Poop Story

For those of you who asked...

One day my sister Carole decided to make brownies from a mix. She tossed the mix box in the garbage and poured the brownie batter into the pan. While the brownies were baking, my brother Dan, who was two and potty training, had an accident on the living room floor. A stinky accident. As the oldest, it fell on me to clean up the accident, which I did, depositing the uh, deposit in the garbage, where it happened to land right on top of the brownie box.

12-year old Rob came by to put something in the garbage. When he saw poopy sitting on top of a brownie box, he assumed it was actually brownie batter, so he hooked a big ol' fingerful and popped it in his mouth.

Yes, he realized right away that it wasn't brownies. He spent the next half hour in the bathroom, gagging, retching, throwing water in his mouth with both hands--and he told us later that the taste still wouldn't leave for hours. Poor Rob. Only I wasn't saying "Poor Rob" at the time; I was standing outside the bathroom door laughing my guts out. Not so much standing as falling over with hilarity.

It definitely didn't end there, as the story entered that realm of family lore that ensures it will never die (and posting it on my blog is now further enhancing the immortality of Rob's poop tasting). At any family reunion someone will inevitably take a bit of something and announce that it tastes like crap, to which someone else will promptly call Rob over to determine whether that's a fair judgment. When Rob became engaged to his beautiful wife Teresa his beloved sisters tried to talk her out of it by pointing out that not only was she too good for him (true), but also that, given where his mouth had been, she might want to think twice before signing on for a lifelong relationship with Rob and his poopy mouth. And when someone once called me a potty mouth, my sister Carole didn't skip a beat in responding, "No, that would be Rob."

On Sunday I shared this story with the Primary kids. As you would imagine, they loved it. Afterward we talked about how Satan lies to us, and many of his lies are attempts to feed us crap, making us believe that really yucky and nasty things are actually something good. The latest issue of the Conference Ensign had some excellent examples of ways that Satan tries to deceive us.

The scary thing is, if you keep eating it you start to acquire a taste for it, and pretty soon you can't tell the difference between poopy and chocolate.

No matter how much it looks like brownies, it's still just a pile of crap.


Monica English said...

Okay picture me shoving myself away from the computer to shriek, gag and exclaim "EWWWWW! EWWWW! EWWW!" Better him than me!

Holly Schwendiman said...

Oh the stories that never die. :) My hubby's grandpa told him to pick up a "rock" and lick it to tell what kind it was. Little did he and his brother know it was deer poop. That story is immortalized as well. Good times. Thanks for sharing!


Lucy said...

Folks, I solemnly testify this story is completely true. I was there. Wendy (and Rob's) mom. Poor Rob, I wonder if he's told this story to his kids?

Edgy said...

And now, as odd as it may sound, I want brownies. I blame the picture. Not the story.

Megan B said...

Oh my gosh! I'm weeping! That is the funniest thing I've heard in.... forever!

The Clanton Gang said...

LOVE it!! I once ate a slug (well, chewed it and spit it out) during a cake eating contest in our backyard and I will never live it down. :)